Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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