I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
