In the future we'll all be gay
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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