he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
