had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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