Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
