on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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