so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
