At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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