i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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