eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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