just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
