Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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