God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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