She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
