I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize