Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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