Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
