we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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