Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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