New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
