Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
