I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Green mimosas i think yes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
