i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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