Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
