The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
two words...techno handjob
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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