It's Friday. Sex?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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