dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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