I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize