im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
