it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
