I'm so fucking centered right now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
