I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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