This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
