Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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