i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize