you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
