i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
