i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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