Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
