Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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