Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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