Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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