wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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