yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
