she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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