Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
