i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
