I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
