Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
