Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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