the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
