the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize