Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
