Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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