quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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