The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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