There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
