Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Randomize
