I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
