Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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