we're chasing vodka with high fives
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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