Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
