I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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