he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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