I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize