Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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